Today you will be my diary...

Wow... Last night I became the girl I never thought I'd be. I actually allowed myself to shed a tear or ten over the silliest thing.

I realize that my life and behaviour has changed in a number of ways since school began in September. Some of these things were beyond my control, some could have been handled differently, and some things I am flat out not so proud of. There are some days I feel like I feel like I am barely hanging on by a thread.

For example, some of my friends haven't always been the most understanding to the demands of this program. I can only hope that once things slow down, they can forgive me for being a little MIA at times. I've felt spread a little thin, but seven classes, plus work, and homework will do that... please get ready to enjoy the summer months with me as I will be able to breathe again. Huge kudos to those who have stood by me through thick and thin it means the world to me. When I have ignored messages and calls while working on late night assignments I didn't do this because I don't love u.... but rather, I saved you from a horrible conversation filled with stress and possible tears, while I tried to remain focused on my task at hand. This is quite possibly considered selfish, and I fully owe many an apology.

One thing I have come to realize is that although I consider myself an incredibly patient and mostly laid-back person, I think that school stress has brought some less than desirable qualities in me at times.  There are days when I come become intolerant, and even at times uptight. You can ask Nick Cringan, my wonderful boyfriend who has put up with my crazy antics on and off since school began. In looking back at last night, and all the other nights this year, I've kinda taken on the persona of a crazy person with my loved ones. Never at school or with my peers, but with the ones who mean the most. I've been short, impatient, and can hardly ever take a joke. Like I said- intolerant. It's an ugly and embarrassing thing to realize, but I have. I've been on edge, and have learned that I haven't been dealing with stress very well. There have been moments when I haven't quite been able to even recognize the girl that appears before me in the mirror. It's been a little scary.

I have always been proud of how loving, compassionate and kind I am. I've never taken myself too seriously, and have considered myself to be rather silly. I began my post secondary journey with the intent to become a teacher because I wanted to share my big, patient heart with little people that were just beginning to pave their way through this big world. So, to reflect on my behaviour lately....... I think I've slipped off this path a bit. I've been a bit of a monster to those around me. I think I owe a few people a million hugs and kisses, maybe some candy, and definitely my word that normal Tamara will be back for good.

This leads me to my tears last night... I can't solely blame my crazy antics on school. Since the age of five, I have been highly active. If my time wasn't consumed playing sports, I'd be running and hitting the gym in its offseason. Throughout university I still played soccer year round,  still had time on spares, or after school to workout because I would only be in 3-4 classes at a time and found the workload manageable. Since school began, I've found it next to impossible to manage balancing the gym regularly into my schedule. I know that I am a petite girl, but my body feels like it hasn't been taken care of. Last night I started crying after realizing how awful and unhealthy I felt.

I am not that girl.

I went for a long walk to clear my head. I feel embarrassed for behaving that way. In moving forward, I know I need to do something about this. I need to make a point of maintaining time for some sort of regular physical activity into my schedule. I am so much happier and relaxed when I am active, and I know that since it's been lacking– it's been contributing to my foul mood. I will treat activity like work, something I just have to make time for. I will also continue to make more time for my buddies.

I'm sure fellow CreComm's can relate to at least part of this post. They say that once you write things down, you're more likely to see change occur.  There will no longer be an awful stressed out Tamara, I am promising today to deal with my stress more efficiently. Mountains out of mole hills– be gone! I won't travel to Snap Town at the drop of a hat, and I will learn to laugh at myself again. No need to take life so seriously. Life is great, life is fun.... things will always fall into place. I have wonderful people in my life and I have plenty to smile and laugh about.

Nothing like a Tuesday morning self reflection. Sorry for the rant. Feels good to get it out. Sorry to those who have witnessed my craziness even if you didn't get the brunt of it.

Thank you to my dearest of friends, my amazing boyfriend, and my patient family for always putting up with me. I don't mean for you to be on eggshells, and I know that I haven't been myself. Love you.

Gym time.

Much Love.

So shleepy.

I'm so pooped right now... Laying with my puppy Winston. Magazine Fair took so much out of me today.  It was a lot of fun, and it felt rewarding to see everyone celebrate their finished magazines that we've worked so hard on for the past three months. It was a good day, and now a tiring day.

Happy Birthday Suzy B!! Hope you loved your flash mob wishes today. Love your smile and big heart.

Happy Friday all!

Journey For Justice

Part of the requirement for Journalism class this term included reading Journey for Justice, by crime reporter and CreComm graduate Mike McIntyre. This crime story examines the abduction of Candace Derksen and the process of finding her killer.

I recall hearing about this case growing up, so I was looking forward to reading this book. Plus, I haven't had much time for pleasure reading since the summer, so my bedtime routine welcomed this change.

I must note that one of the things that really stood out to me in this book was the strength of Wilma Derksen. She really kept herself together, when most would fall apart. I think a major contributing factor behind Wilma's strength, was her faith. It popped up a lot in seminar and the book, so you get the sense that her faith is what kept her going throughout this entire process.

I thought that many parts of Mike McIntyre's book worked, and other parts kind of seemed off to me. I loved the beginning part of his book. I felt like I had a good grasp on who the characters were, and I thought that he did a nice job telling the story of how Candace went missing. As a former Psychology student I appreciated the reports on Mark Grant. However, I felt that they began to drag on a bit, becoming repetitive. I think a few would have been beneficial, but I don't think it was necessary to provide so much.

McIntyre provides amazing details in his book, these details worked for me. From discussing the neighbour as a suspect, to sharing the courtroom details, these were great. I liked how organized the first half of the book was, but the second half fell short. I think there was some inconsistencies in his writing styles, and maybe he was just trying to set different tones by playing around with this, but I'm not so sure that I liked this.

Journalists can and should take something away from Mike McIntyre's work. I think he's proven to be full of class, while still getting a great story. He was able to leave his work in his pocket at appropriate times. He used compassion and wasn't solely after a story. He was respectful, and gained the trust of the Derksen's but still did his job in doing this story justice.

I can imagine that in times of tragedy, the idea of spending time with a reporter would be pretty dreadful. It would be easier to turn the journalist away, because they may be expecting an aggressive experience. Any journalist working on a traumatic case should consider sitting down with Mike. He seems to have done a pretty great job at showing families that he genuinely cares about them, but still does his job efficiently.

I don't typically read true crime novels, but I have read some of Mike's work in the Winnipeg Free Press. I think that the bond and relationship that he's built with the Derksen's provided a much closer look at the feelings and thoughts of the characters in Journey for Justice, something that wouldn't be very typical of his shorter Free Press articles.

I wasn't totally sure what to expect when Wilma and Mike came to speak to us, but I found it interesting to see the way the two interacted. You could tell that the two have become great friends through their journey together. They shared a story about a time that Wilma was having a  BBQ, and Mike had asked if he could join her and her friends,  Wilma said okay– but only if he left his notebook at home this time. It was a simple story, but I think that it was one of a few moments that the two shared, that established their friendship, outside of working on the book. She mentioned another instance in the courtroom where she needed him to be her friend for minute, and to put down his pen to be present in the moment with her. I think it's great that they formed a friendship like this during such an incredible ordeal. I respect that Mike wasn't just a journalist getting a story, he was there for Wilma during this experience at various points in time.

During the presentation, I thought it was pretty amazing that Wilma spoke about her ability to forgive Mark Grant, Candace's killer. It takes a pretty incredible person to look past the injustice they endured as a family, and to be able to keep an open and forgiving mind in moving forward. She wanted to know everything she could about the man who took her daughters life, and she found that Mark was quite the victim himself. He came from an awful upbringing, and had really been through some trauma in his own life. She said that although it could never excuse what's happened, she looks at this information as somewhat of an explanation which helps her understand and accept what's happened.

She spoke numerous times about her faith, which I think is very key in this book and was certainly understood in seminar. Seeing Wilma speak about her faith first hand, makes everything seem much more believable. I don't think many people would be so understanding and forgiving after going through what she has been through. You can tell that she is a woman of God, or something higher anyways for her her to choose the attitude that she has chosen. It's evident that her faith has helped mold the person she is today– she's a strong, forgiving, and compassionate woman.

August: Osage County... wahh

If I wasn't stuck in bed feeling like hot garbage, I would most certainly be making my way down to MTC to check out August: Osage County.

Serious bummer.

I'm really disappointed that I won't be going this evening. I was so looking forward to getting lost in this intense play filled with family drama, secrets, scandal and substance abuse after this crazy week. If anyone has time before March 24 to go see this epic piece of live theatre – I strongly advise doing so.

August: Osage County is a darkly comedic play by Tracy Letts, and was a the recipient of a 2008 Pulitzer Prize for Drama.  The Winnipeg Free Press gave the play a 4.5 star review as well.

Check out this link for showtimes: http://www.mtc.mb.ca/Current-Plays/Hendry/August-Osage-county.aspx

ALSO.... wash your hands people, there's a flu bug going around.

Ooops

Just realized that something wonky happened with my post last week– it's fixed now. Check out my Q&A post from last week, with Zach Bogosian. It was nice to hear his take on Winnipeg, and hear him recognize and appreciate the support that fans and our wonderful city provides for him and the Winnipeg Jets.

GO JETS GO!

1-on-1 With Zach Bogosian

The ladies wanna date him, the men wanna be him....

I caught up with defencemen Zach Bogosian in preparation for a Q&A filler for my JetsMag magazine article. As magazines are wrapping up, I organized my video notes, and scribbled down some of our convo after a practice at the MTS Iceplex. 


Meet cowboy and hockey star Zach Bogosian.... Ohh to be twenty again.

What is your pre game meal? 
Spaghetti with meat sauce, and a splash of alfredo. No chicken or nothing.

Game day rituals? 
Warm up the same way, and get dressed the same way– more of a habit than a ritual.

How early do you arrive at the rink for games? 
Me and mark stuart are usually the first to get there. I usually get to the rink around 4:00 for a 7:30 game. I’m sitting around the rink for awhile.

Pregame pump up song? 
I usually let our captain Andew Ladd work the stereo, but the boys really like Rhianna. She’s pretty good.

Fave part of Winnipeg so far? 
Every game. It's a packed house and has such great atmosphere. The city itself, and the support we have is pretty secial to be a part of.

Fave restaurant? 
Brooklyn’s Bistro, Casa Grande. I like Italian food

What do you do on a typical day off? 
Ahh, lounge around. (Laughs) I like to hunt and fish, but it’s a bit too tiring during the year.

Hometown? 
Maseena, New York. The middle nowhere. It’s like not even on the map. 
(This is where he usually makes time to enjoy hunting and fishing)

Favourite sports team besides the Jets? 
I mean I like the New england Patriots. Well, I like Tom Brady. But, I dont necessarilly like the Patriots. I like Tom Brady. 

Twitter or FB? 
Neither. I see what goes on on those sites. I used to have FB though.
(NOTE: Since our interview, Mr. Bogosian gave in to the power of social media, and can now be followed on Twitter #Bogogo4 )

Dream golf foursome? 
Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Tom Brady, Me

Favourite place to hang after games? 
Usually just restaurants

Favourite Icecream flavour? 
Cookie Dough

Why number 4? I've always worn it; pretty much my whole life. There was never really any meaning behind it when i was younger. But, it just kinda stuck since Ive worn it since I was about 5. Ive always been it for every team I've been on.


Fave movie? 
Gladiator


Drink of Choice?
Budweiser (obvs)


Sending good vibes to all during the next week.
Tamara

The Most Love

A few weeks ago I went to check out a friend play at Times Change. Although I've seen him play many times, it was this evening in particular, when i saw him perform for the first time as a one man band, that i truly recognized just how talented this young man is.

If you haven't checked his music out– check his music out. The Reverend Rambler, also known as Matt Colpitts, is a passionate musician full of soul, rhythm and blues.

If you ever have the chance to listen to this young man play Eric Clapton's Classical Guitar, he will blow your mind.

Much love