When I first started this blog, I thought I would write a blog that incorporated different wines that I drank – but in alphabetical order. This is proving to be a challenging task. I'd much rather drink the wines that I love, that I actually want to drink rather than being strapped to selecting a wine based on a particular alphabet letter.
I also find that I basically just write about whatever's going on in my life at that moment. I don't necessarily want to be restricted to always write about wine.
What do I do? Start a brand new blog? Or do I edit and delete a few posts and write up a new blog description?
I followed through with parts of last weeks post and decided to check out Bikram's hot yoga this week. It was pretty amazing. I may have felt like puking at one point, but that hasn't deterred me. I will in fact be returning this weekend! It really made me feel so happy, relaxed and instantly healthy. I forgot how great it is for mind and body. I headed to Organza following the class to grab an organic fruit and vegetable shake. I had the mango with greens- don't let the deep shade of green fool you, it was beyond delicious.
Off topic..... Got to interview Winnipeg Jets Mark Stewart and Zach Bogosian one on one today! Ohh, how I love CreComm so very much. We get some pretty cool opportunities. Bogo is a little country boy at heart, he loves hunting and fishing, Budweiser, and lives in the middle of nowhere. It was pretty cool chatting with them. It may have been even more so cool of the Jets for being so helpful in setting up these interviews to help us with our magazine project. Thank you Jets- Christina, Scott and Andrew!
Pretty impressed today and feeling utterly positive. Sending good vibes to all!
Since the start of 2012, I made a slew of New Years Resolutions.....in my head. I may have shared one or two. I don't typically believe that setting such goals is necessarily a positive thing. Kinda think it sets you up for feeling guilty if things don't go "as planned".
With that said, I am feeling guilty.
I kept some of my resolutions a secret, they were just for me. Now I am understanding the importance of writing your goals and dreams down on paper. Apparently you are more likely to achieve success when they are written down? So I've been told in Psychology textbooks.
I was embarrassed to share some of my goals with loved one's– have no idea why. Perhaps, I thought they would think it was silly or lame. Or maybe they'd doubt me and I didn't want to hear it. Either way, I say screw it. It hasn't been happening so far, so I am officially writing some of my "resolutions" down. Judge me, laugh at me, love me.
Here, I will list a FEW of my goals- both silent and shared- for the start of 2012. I had like fifteen, you'd think 2011 was a bad year.
1.) Make time for all things peaceful. Whether it's yoga, meditation, writing, or a jog. Whatever I choose to be my therapy in that moment. Make time.
2.) Tamara, you are running the 1/2 marathon this year. Start up a regular training program. Buy those sweet Saucony's you're dying to run in. Update your iPod. Marathon- do it.
3.) BLOG- figure it out. Keep it current. Update it. Revamp if needed. A-Z of wine? Is my blog just all about me and my obsessions? or is it a combo of wine and me. Do it.
4.) Be present with family and friends. Sure my life may turn into a tornado, but remember to make some time to say "hi, how are you?"– at the very least. I miss them dearly.
5.) Nicolas Cringan.... thank you. Best thing in my life. I need and know this reso well.
7.) Love. With every ounce of my being.
I don't care if this cheesy, lame, or cliche. I am writing everything down from now on. This is my year. I will pour my little heart out if I have to.
Patience, calm, laughter and understanding, stay with me in 2012.
I apologize for the abundance of crazy cat lady posts lately...
But.... here's one more for you!!
As most people know, there has been a feline related void in my life lately. Last weekend, I went for what I thought was a "just for fun" visit to the Winnipeg Humane Society. Check out this little cutie pie that I was so lucky to go home with! (THANK YOU NICOLAS!! xx)
It doesn't matter how great or awful my day is going– Christian the Lion makes me smile, laugh, and cry my eyes out every time I watch his story unfold. It really is one of the truest examples of how strong the bond of friendship and love can be.
His story journey is documented through a brilliant documentary and a book. Check youtube for more great versions of this beautiful boy.
This has been a really really rough week for me. I've started writing, then I deleted everything... just to start over and delete all over again. I wanted to make this blog post really special. Finding the words and photos to do so is proving to be too difficult right now. So, I'm going to make the special post at a later date, when I'm ready.
I lost my cat this week.
He wasn't just my cat though. He was the love of my life. My 18 year old baby boy... I always referred to him as my son, my child, love of my life, bestie, most handsome boy in the world- list goes on. He was my actual baby. B.J. (Buford Junior) entered my life on my 8th birthday, as a gift from my parents. I smothered him with so much love from the moment I laid eyes on him, and he smothered me just the same.
I have always been obsessed with kitties. My first obsession began with my first cat, Buford Sr., a very fat white cat (won second place at a fat cat contest held at The Bay). I thought he was my best friend, so when he died at 12 years old, I had little melt down. My parents thought the way to mend my broken heart was to get another kitty. Which is where B.J. came in. We went to look at kittens, and as soon as i saw him, there was no hesitation. I passed up the black, orange, calico kittens. I needed him. He was mostly white with a some black spots- I wanted him to be white like my first cat.
That's how we met. I needed and love him instantly. Funny how we can get so attached to little furballs so quickly and intensely. Some people don't understand the deep bond that can form with pets.... that's okay, people can think I am crazy. He was my world for many, many years though.
B. J. turned 18 in June, and his health began deteriorating earlier that year. In his younger years, he was once a very mobile, energized, agile cat that we referred to as, "The Boss of the Block". He was able to kick the butts of pesky neighbourhood cats. He used to jump into bed at night to snuggle, and was able to get into butter on the counter tops- I recognized this past year that my big softy was now gradually slowing down. He was eating less, and got quite thin. His bones jutted out so much I wondered if it hurt him to lay the way we used to on the couch for naps.
Monday night, I had a feeling in my gut that I needed to go home. I cut my cardio short (did 8 mins) and got home promptly to find a very tired boy. I ran an errand and came home to find him hiding under the bed. I picked him up, and he didn't look himself. I instantly felt panicked. He was very weak. He couldn't stand, his head was a little wobbly, and all he could do was lay down. I knew in this moment that I was losing him. I held him for a few hours, trying to comfort him. He wasn't getting better, he was worse. We have had hundreds of sleepovers, but our final sleepover was Monday night.
I held him all night long, I didn't let go of him for a even a moment. I guess I did in fact doze off for a few minutes that night, as I was woken at 6:30am to B.J. gasping for air. That was by far one of the hardest nights of my life so far. The hour that followed 6:30am, was the hardest hour. I won't go into detail. He struggled for over an hour, he couldn't quite fully let go. But the very moment I stepped out of my house and got into the car to take him to the vet, he took his final breath and died in my arms. Adele, Someone Like You was playing. Pure torture... yet I left it playing.
I returned to a house with all of my baby's things scattered around in their usual spots. His cat tent was still set up in the basement. His cat bed still was still in the living room next to the fire place and t.v.. His favourite blue brush sat next to his bed. His cutesy food and water dishes were still full. Both his litter boxes full.
Memories that I hadn't thought of in years rushed through me throughout the day. As i opened the backdoor I recalled countless days when i chased him when he was a kitten when he would sneak out of the house. I had to crawl under my neighbours deck every time to capture him. So many memory triggers this week.
That's all i have in me right now...... My nice, "special" post will come in time- with beautiful pics that I have captured over the years of my beautiful little B.J., the coolest, most loyal and lovable cat in the whole world.
Jeeeez.... I am so effing sad without him.
B..J. (Buford Junior) Adams • June 17, 1993- November 8, 2011
I love and miss you every day...
just a little ball of emotions now... bed time.
xobeeej
