Done.

You're done!

Today wasn't the best, but I have a wonderful internship around the corner at an amazing advertising agency, and I'm staying positive. CreComm has been full of ups and downs, and this is where I want and need to be.

Congrats fellow CreComm's on completing our first year.

CCMA's–  Tuesday. See you then.

Then.... a long farewell.

xo

Dionysys in Stony Mountain

Last week I headed to the Crocus building on Bannatyne, and was kindly directed by door staff to the Rachael Browne Theatre on the second floor.  I wasn't really sure what to expect from Dionysus in Stony Mountain, a play directed by Bill Kerr. The cast of the play consisted of two actors, three characters, two acts, and two sets.

The first act of the play was rather dialogue heavy, and was heavily based on quotes by Nietzsche. I loved the concept of raising issue to our prison systems, while touching on philosophical matters, morality, and mental illness. I think that many people who weren't really aware of certain religious issues, or weren't familiar with Nietzsche, the first act of the play could have been borderline boring, as they would likely be lost. I found the dialogue heavy, and at times tough to get through– but understood what was going on. They brought up some great issues, and certainly captivated my brain to think a little further about the systems that we have in place. Which to me, brings up the whole other issue of living life with an open mind. Things aren't always black and white.


James  (played by Ross McMillan), did such an amazing job of playing the role of an inmate struggling with mental illness. I think his reluctance to take his medication was very realistic. His willingness, or lack of willingness to comply and take his meds, was ultimately the main thing standing in his way of potential freedom after murdering his first wife while under a manic episode. James has a meeting with his Psychiatrist Heidi (played by Sarah Constible) throughout the first act. Heidi tries to help James as he approaches his parole hearing, but he needs to be taking his medication. The interaction between the two is unique and interesting to watch, especially when it becomes obvious that a boundary has been crossed.


Heidi promises James that if he takes his medication, she will quit psychiatry. Which leads us into the second act where Heidi breaks the news that she has quit job. The second act becomes much easier to follow, and ties in the Nietzsche heavy quotes very nicely. For those lost in the first act, it all starts to come together.

Major kudos to actor Ross McMillan. He is quite talented. He no longer plays the character of James in the second half of the play. Ross becomes Eric, Heidi's uncle. The two characters are nothing alike, the dialogue, mood, everything changes now. But one thing remains the same, the duos both had hurdles to overcome. Heidi and James needed to break down walls, so that both can be reached by one another. While with Eric, Heidi spends most of her time defending her decisions, until they both come to some form of mutual understanding. Heidi has her own inner struggle as she continues to discover that she is missing pieces in her own personal journey with defining justice and mental illness.

Overall, I think this play brings up some pretty incredible topics that people wouldn't normally stop to think about. The mentally ill is simply locked up far too often, the aboriginal population in prison is very high and I understand the herd mentality that goes along with it. Our system needs some work, and this play opens the eyes of its viewers to many of these issues.

This play was a little long, I appreciated the acting, and the many messages. I found the air to be a little thick, but that may just be because it was a full house. It's definitely not a venue for the claustrophobic. I was very happy to be served refreshments at intermission. I left the play feeling a little deflated. It was a bit heavy for me, for a Tuesday–maybe for any day. I thought it was worthwhile to see, but I'm not even really sure if I'd recommend this play to someone, and if I did, I'm not sure who the audience should be. I really did appreciate it though, it certainly got me thinking.

Today you will be my diary...

Wow... Last night I became the girl I never thought I'd be. I actually allowed myself to shed a tear or ten over the silliest thing.

I realize that my life and behaviour has changed in a number of ways since school began in September. Some of these things were beyond my control, some could have been handled differently, and some things I am flat out not so proud of. There are some days I feel like I feel like I am barely hanging on by a thread.

For example, some of my friends haven't always been the most understanding to the demands of this program. I can only hope that once things slow down, they can forgive me for being a little MIA at times. I've felt spread a little thin, but seven classes, plus work, and homework will do that... please get ready to enjoy the summer months with me as I will be able to breathe again. Huge kudos to those who have stood by me through thick and thin it means the world to me. When I have ignored messages and calls while working on late night assignments I didn't do this because I don't love u.... but rather, I saved you from a horrible conversation filled with stress and possible tears, while I tried to remain focused on my task at hand. This is quite possibly considered selfish, and I fully owe many an apology.

One thing I have come to realize is that although I consider myself an incredibly patient and mostly laid-back person, I think that school stress has brought some less than desirable qualities in me at times.  There are days when I come become intolerant, and even at times uptight. You can ask Nick Cringan, my wonderful boyfriend who has put up with my crazy antics on and off since school began. In looking back at last night, and all the other nights this year, I've kinda taken on the persona of a crazy person with my loved ones. Never at school or with my peers, but with the ones who mean the most. I've been short, impatient, and can hardly ever take a joke. Like I said- intolerant. It's an ugly and embarrassing thing to realize, but I have. I've been on edge, and have learned that I haven't been dealing with stress very well. There have been moments when I haven't quite been able to even recognize the girl that appears before me in the mirror. It's been a little scary.

I have always been proud of how loving, compassionate and kind I am. I've never taken myself too seriously, and have considered myself to be rather silly. I began my post secondary journey with the intent to become a teacher because I wanted to share my big, patient heart with little people that were just beginning to pave their way through this big world. So, to reflect on my behaviour lately....... I think I've slipped off this path a bit. I've been a bit of a monster to those around me. I think I owe a few people a million hugs and kisses, maybe some candy, and definitely my word that normal Tamara will be back for good.

This leads me to my tears last night... I can't solely blame my crazy antics on school. Since the age of five, I have been highly active. If my time wasn't consumed playing sports, I'd be running and hitting the gym in its offseason. Throughout university I still played soccer year round,  still had time on spares, or after school to workout because I would only be in 3-4 classes at a time and found the workload manageable. Since school began, I've found it next to impossible to manage balancing the gym regularly into my schedule. I know that I am a petite girl, but my body feels like it hasn't been taken care of. Last night I started crying after realizing how awful and unhealthy I felt.

I am not that girl.

I went for a long walk to clear my head. I feel embarrassed for behaving that way. In moving forward, I know I need to do something about this. I need to make a point of maintaining time for some sort of regular physical activity into my schedule. I am so much happier and relaxed when I am active, and I know that since it's been lacking– it's been contributing to my foul mood. I will treat activity like work, something I just have to make time for. I will also continue to make more time for my buddies.

I'm sure fellow CreComm's can relate to at least part of this post. They say that once you write things down, you're more likely to see change occur.  There will no longer be an awful stressed out Tamara, I am promising today to deal with my stress more efficiently. Mountains out of mole hills– be gone! I won't travel to Snap Town at the drop of a hat, and I will learn to laugh at myself again. No need to take life so seriously. Life is great, life is fun.... things will always fall into place. I have wonderful people in my life and I have plenty to smile and laugh about.

Nothing like a Tuesday morning self reflection. Sorry for the rant. Feels good to get it out. Sorry to those who have witnessed my craziness even if you didn't get the brunt of it.

Thank you to my dearest of friends, my amazing boyfriend, and my patient family for always putting up with me. I don't mean for you to be on eggshells, and I know that I haven't been myself. Love you.

Gym time.

Much Love.